The fourth factor affecting our personality
Although scientists have studied families with too many children, most of them are limited to the impact of birth age on children-older children are strugglers, young children are rebels, and children caught in the middle are cripples.
But things have changed.
Scientists are beginning to study the interactive relationship between siblings.
1. How children constantly conflict with each other. Social researchers have initially discovered that siblings spend a lot of time with each other, and these activities can teach them some social skills.
When children are 11 years old, they spend about 33% of their spare time on their siblings-more time than friends, parents, teachers and even themselves.
A study last year said that slightly older minors still spend 10 hours with their siblings every week, although they have already started their own trajectories.
Brothers and sisters can have endless intimacy with each other, and of course, it is inevitable that there will be discord.
Laurie who specializes in families?
Kramer found that siblings between 3 and 7 years old averaged 3 per hour.
A Canadian study says that siblings between the ages of 2 and 4 years have more than one friction every ten minutes, and the degree of change is the highest among all ages.
Parents often suffer from the noise between their children, but children learn a lot from them, especially how to calm down conflicts with others.
”Children have a social effect with each other,” said Xiao, a psychologist at the University of Pittsburgh. “Unlike friends, you have to live with your fellow citizens.
Every day you learn how to discuss with others.
“Researchers believe that it is this long-term study that makes brothers and sisters so valuable and provides a preview tool for children’s future lives.
After all, when a person is an adult, they always have to establish various relationships with their partners-such as in the workplace and marriage.
In the face of our brothers and sisters, we may rise up and face the anger, but we will always return to the same roof after the incident.
Taking out a toy might help resolve the tension between the brothers.
In the future, this may become a joke in the office, sweeping away the embarrassing atmosphere among colleagues, or showing the initiative of the husband to his wife after a big fight.
2. How can a child who is not the mother’s favorite pet get benefits? A family with many children is similar to a court full of controversy.
Perhaps the most important issue in such a family is fighting for favor.
Even if you rarely admit your preference, parents often feel ashamed of petting a child.
If eccentricity does exist, it may not be the parents’ fault.
The family is a place with limited resources.
Parents can’t help but notice the children who seem to be the most worth investing in.
Although parents will often invest a lot of family wealth and benefits into the process of caring for children with disabilities, parenting is always easy to care for beautiful and talented children.
Children will of course be aware of parental bias.
At first, they seemed to be able to adapt to their parents ‘different treatment, often turning their parents’ bias into benefits that all children can enjoy.
“They would say to another:‘ why do n’t you ask mom if we can go to the mall?
Because she never said no to you, ‘”said Concho the sociologist.
Thereafter, children who do not suffer from parental bias may pay a price.
“They often exacerbate high blood pressure and have more problems with self-esteem,” Concho said. “They feel they are worthless, and they try to know why.
“Do you, as an adult, think you have caused this kind of breakthrough?
It’s no coincidence that in the workplace, employees instinctively know which bad luck is being blamed by the boss.
It is no coincidence that when a colleague is applauded by the boss, you feel hurt and jealous.
This old feeling has taught you that the smartest way is not to challenge the boss for support, but to build a partnership with the boss’s celebrities so that you can also profit from the current scale.
This idea is by no means what you just knew now.
3. How siblings have different habits It is no secret that siblings imitate each other.Brothers and sisters imitate the skills of older children, and older children are also anxious to try new things, because they do not want to fall behind their brothers and sisters.
More complicated and important is that children no longer imitate each other in certain circumstances, but want to behave differently.
Psychologists call this phenomenon de-identification.
De-identification helps children develop their own personality, and there is another important long-term function: keeping siblings away from high-risk behaviors.
In general, children will pass bad habits to another.
When older children drink alcohol, siblings may double their alcohol consumption; if older children smoke, siblings may quadruple their smoking.
Some children break this rule, but the reason is amazing.
The study found that the siblings who did not learn badly were not because of reason, but maybe because they didn’t want to do the same thing as older children.
Three years ago, Joseph the psychologist at the University of Oklahoma?
Rogers published a study of more than 9,500 young smokers.
He found that although older brothers and sisters often introduced smoking to their siblings, the closer they were, the more likely they would resist smoking.
Obviously, getting together from small to old has made them too similar.
For the younger brother, to be different from the older brother, the most deadly way is to observe the older brother. When the older brother is found to have a habit of smoking, then the younger brother can just do the opposite.
4. How siblings or siblings affect each other’s marriage The characteristics of de-identification between siblings and siblings are very obvious.
In research on underage boys and girls, boys have seen higher growth in independence and competition, while girls do better in how they feel about others, such as being sensitive and helpful.
These differences are not easy to attract attention, but the researchers did not expect that when the children grew up with the hands, feet, and feet of the opposite sex, their contact would not bridge the above-mentioned gender-related differences, but would highlight the differences.
Both boys and girls are closer to their gender characteristics, and even their friends must meet these characteristics.
Psychologists explained that brothers and sisters have succeeded in doing different things from each other.
But when they grow up, the distance between them and the opposite sex must be close.
At this time, the younger brother has an older sister, or the older brother has a younger sister, which is an advantage for them.
Studies have shown that children from heterosexual families are more likely to interact naturally with heterosexuals outside the family.
Boys and girls with sisters are more speculative and are more likely to be liked by new girls; girls with brothers are more likely to start talking with strange boys and show more smiles than boys.
5. How does increasing age make brother-sister relationships easier with brothers and sisters. Brother-sister relationships will increase with time and flesh-and-blood conflicts disappear with time.
Indeed, the brothers who played fiercely as children may get closer to each other as adults.
When they recalled the reasons for the big fight and what lessons they learned from them, their feelings deepened.
If siblings experienced a crisis together in childhood, it would lead to a lifelong bond between them.
The death of his parents caused a severe blow to the family, but when the older child helped raise his brothers and sisters, his or her dual role could lay the foundation for unbreakable brotherhood.
This bond of strength is even more important when the brothers and sisters each enter their later years.
When a person is seriously ill or unfortunately widowed, his longest known siblings are the ones he can rely on most.
Middle-aged sibs will reunite in old age.
“The connection between the sisters is particularly strong,” said Judy, a psychologist at King’s College London.
Dunn said, “When asked what made their relationship so important, they would say it was a childhood they spent together.